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HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"
Q: What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A: We would eat pussy every thanksgiving!
Q: How does a guy know when he has a high sperm count?
A: When she has to chew before she swallows
Q: How does a guy keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds
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