funny free Murphy dead Irish joke
Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects. "He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good." "And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness. "That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"
Another free Irish joke
"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?" "And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "Yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"
Free Irish Murphy joke,
Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble. "Is that you Murphy?" called his wife. "Byjasis! It damned well better be!"
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?", asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on this god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"The Devil you say", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!"
Or your money back