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How can you tell that there are two elephants in your fridge?

You have to put the partly-eaten dismembered body parts of your infant daughter in the freezer instead.


Katie is 5 years old. Tomorrow will be her birthday.

‘Dad, guess how old I’ll be tomorrow?’

‘Don’t know,’ he replies.

‘I’ll be six!’

She goes into the kitchen and sees her Grandad.

‘Grandad, guess how old I’ll be tomorrow?’

‘To answer that I need you to remove your knickers.’

So she does that and he sniffs them. Then he fingers her, smells his finger and licks it. ‘You will be six tomorrow,’ he says.

‘How do you know that?’ she asks.

‘I heard you talking to your dad.’


Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.


Little boy: ‘Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl clean?’

Mother: ‘No, just flush it like everyone else.’






























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